A growing restlessness pesters me these past few days, if I may say, since
February, the love month on planet Earth. The atmosphere around me screams
love month. During our In-Service Training at school, one of the speakers never missed
integrating the idea of his singleness in some parts of his talk, which hit
a mark on my part. I am reminded of my own singleness, until now I have
never been in a relationship with an earthling, which now is not an issue in
my life. I have learned to understand the joy in singleness. I have learned
to accept the possibility of growing old alone. This may sound miserable to
others and they are never wrong. I respect their opinion because once or
many times in my life I thought I would be miserable growing old, alone,
with no one to share.
It must have been nice to experience going on a date, receiving fresh
flowers, watching movies, walking in a park, feeling the warmth of a hug,
having that deep connection with another earthling, and a whole bunch of
things to do together on an ordinary or extraordinary day. But I know, we
know, that relationships are not a bed of roses. Instead, a relationship is
a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs, a maze that leads to confusion
and being lost. It has good and bad sides. There is pain and joy.
Love hurts. Sometimes it hurts so bad I do not even want to think about it.
I am turning two threes this year and yet the existence of unrequited love
still permeates my vocabulary. How easy it would be if the earthling I like
likes me back and actually pursue me. Voila! Happiness overload, in my dreams. Not in a million years it will happen. It did not happen and
it will never. Not in this lifetime. Am I being hopeless by saying that?
Yes, or maybe no. Time like this love stings a little bit, knowing that I am
someone who is never pursued. Recently, there were times I was asked when I
would have a boyfriend or get married, jokingly I got back at them by saying
in the next lifetime.
The future is still a mystery and I am glad to enjoy the gift of the
present. I may be longing sometimes for a companion, an Adam in my life, but
the longing shall soon pass every time. It goes by. The hurt goes by. God
never let it stay. He listens to my afflictions, to my cries. He knows my
needs. His timing is perfect. Most of all, He gives the best for me. It may
take a lifetime or someone may never come along the way, and I am sure it
may be hard to understand His plans with my feeble human mind, but He is the
only one to trust. It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence
in man (Psalm 118:8). If He wills him, he is on the way. Love
waits, when the time is right, the Lord will make it happen
(Isaiah 60:22).
Love hurts. Love waits. Every 'no' is God's redirection towards His best for me.
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