I am nothing but grateful to the Lord for all that I am. Yet there is that one thing that has been bugging me even though I surrendered it all to Him. I gave up already even on the idea of having it or experiencing it. But it keeps coming back, the desire to have it, the desire to experience it. I avoid to be greedy just to have it, to possess, and experience it to the fullest.
Or maybe I need to be greedy?
I always ask God and he never answers me with a 'no', it has always been wait, wait, and wait. I do not want to sound impatient, but when is it my Lord, until when I am going to wait.
Shameless as I can be, there are times I feel like I really do not need it, I really do not like it yet there are also few times I yearn for it that I even talk to God and question Him of His time, will, and ways. How shameless I am!
There are things in life that can be a two edged sword from the human perspective. What meant to be good for you can hurt you sometimes and what you thought is good for you may cause you pain that lasts longer than it is meant to stay.
Dwelling on such thing that needs to undergo season of waiting until it is fully riped can definitely bring anxious and ungrateful thoughts. And those kind of thoughts are the last thing I want in my life right now.
The act of gratitude can save us from a lot of pain. Just being grateful even for the little things in life can help us overcome anxious thoughts. This may not come in an instant. It takes time, practice, and change of lifestyle, but we will surely get there if we have faith.
And when I was burdened with worries, you comforted me and made me feel secure.
Oh Lord, guard my heart and mind.
Protect me from my own devices.
Give me a grateful heart every single day of my life.
Amen.
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