Showing posts with label wander. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wander. Show all posts
When memories flashed before your eyes in broad daylight, it was one of the most peaceful experiences you could ever have during your stay here on earth. It was calming and mind-blowing all at the same time. And after a few more days, you realized how scary the experience was. It was surreal.That's exactly how I felt when I got involved in a road incident. After more than a week, I finally fully grasped the severity of the incident, I almost lost my life in that one wrong move in a split second. I never thought this kind of accident would ever happen in my existence. And there you go and it did happen, but I thank God, I'm still alive and kicking. I should always be reminded that I have to be extra careful always.
One philosopher said YOLO or You Only Live Once, and another contradicts the other, he coined YODO which stands for You Only Die Once. Do you YOLO or YODO?
I guess I may agree more with the latter and it is a reality that we have to face that we really die once, physically. No one in this world is exempted from death, when one's life expires, that's it, it will cease to exist. We have to be reminded that we get to live every single day. It is a chance, an opportunity to live, love, worship, be grateful, and make the most of the life that has been given to us.
For once, I thought life was fleeting and senseless to be celebrated and lived victoriously. That life was nothing. It had no purpose. I questioned the Creator who made us in this sickening world that we dwell in. Why would He make us only to experience pain and suffering? Why would he mold a sinful human being? Why would He? I was ignorant and foolish not to know the answers to these cries.
There was a time in my life when I wanted to end my existence. I no longer wanted to live. I had lost the purpose of life and was blinded by the pain other people caused me. I blamed them for the misery and losses. At one point in my life, I became a ball of negative and dark energy, like a bomb that could explode anytime and damage everything around it. I was basically self-destructing and it was affecting the people around me, especially my loved ones.
I knew I couldn't escape the ball of negative energy with my strength and power alone. The negativity held me back from the light and I needed someone who could pacify and put peace to the raging thoughts that bombarded me and wouldn't let me be. I knew I needed someone.
And that someone is Jesus. He reached out to me. He saved me. He healed me. He freed me. He became my peace and hope, the light on my feet. He brought life into me and filled it with joy.
I am far from being perfect. I still have problems to deal and challenges to overcome with. Flaws are everywhere to be pointed out in me, and there are times when I feel like I am a walking disaster at my worst.
But the good news is in life I don't have to go through with it alone. That also goes for you, yes you! You don't have to go through with it alone. You are not alone, never alone. Walk with Him and experience the abundance of joy in brokenness. You will be healed, in the mighty name of Jesus!
Live every single day of our life! Make the most of it! Love and be loved!
Ingat!
There is nothing certain in life. And in the world, we live in, the happiness you feel right now may eventually turn into sadness. Or it could be that one minute you're sad then the other you're happy. How exciting life really is! I wonder if God, who is in control of everything intended it to be that way. The roller coaster ride we get to experience in life is an invigorating adventure we must all live to the fullest.
Humbled by the knowledge of the One True God and His supreme sovereignty, I am in awe of His majestic and grand plan for those who love, obey, and put their faith in Him. Living a life that abides in Him alone is a difficult rocky road we can all trudge on only through Him and in Him.
When hope is nowhere to be found, where do you look? Who do you seek? To whom do you turn? The answer is we turn to Him, to the One True Hope we can all put our faith with confidence and certainty. To the One who is the sufficient and limitless source of the truest form of hope. Jesus. The only hope that we all need. Pain, hardships, and rejection will always be there, they are part of the so-called life we all try to pass through victoriously.
May God help us to plant hope in the weary hearts of those who thirst for peace, truth, and the perfect form of true love. Share the good news of salvation.
Always plant hope, when everything seems uncertain.
Biking-biking or banking-banking, which is which?
Biking seems to be a fun idea for those who enjoy strolling around and exercising at the same time. As well as a good alternative of transportation for those who consider themselves eco-friendly citizens of the earth, provided that there is a shower area at their destination. Biking as we all know can be sweaty, one can perspire a lot; whether, in a gloomy or hot sky, sweat will always be there.
Strolling on a bike is also an exercise, which I decided to do so since I felt breathless for the past weeks since face-to-face classes started. Going to the gym is an option but I am short on a budget, so biking is a go since I have my MTB getting stuck at home and it is much better to put it in use instead of letting it rust and turns old without putting it in good use.
Banking-banking, on the other hand, is a made-up term I heard from my friends slash workmates. It is a humorous name they use for a boyfriend and girlfriend's road trips on a motorcycle, where the guy drives and the girl hugs her boyfriend from behind in the fast lane while doing an angle drift on a wide road. That is the extent of my imagination about the banking-banking thing. For quite a while, motorcycles depict danger on my part, whenever I see them on the road, they just move too fast and always want to get ahead of the others, like it is always a race, a very dangerous race. Nevertheless, using a motorcycle is beneficial for many it is convenient and practical for some.
Biking-biking is a term I came up with to counter banking-banking. Well, biking-biking appeals more like a friendly road trip across genders and relationships. Whether you are solo, in a duo, or group, biking is satisfying and breathtaking. My panting for the past weeks, whenever I climbed stairs at school, is not that persistent anymore since I started biking again. It helps. I am trying to be consistent in biking to lessen or totally diminish my exhaustion from exertion to breathe whenever I walk or climb a short distance. So whenever I get the chance to bike I so get it!
Strolling on a wide road on a bike is a pleasant experience, a street free of other road users is a dream! An impossible one! I seldom see some lady bikers around the area I go to for biking. Where are they? Happy or sad, let's go biking-biking!
How does ML affect me so far?
For some of you who doesn't know ML, it is a popular online mobile game nowadays that is well loved and enjoyed by youngsters as well as by adults.
During the 2-year CoVid-19 pandemic, I avoided playing the game since I couldn't seem to get the ins and outs of it, so I decided to stop and uninstall the app. I thought it was a waste of memory on my phone. The bottom line is I didn't know how to play the characters that's why I stop.
Fast forward to 2022, I finally learned how to play the game even just a little. In victory and defeat!
For the past five months, I am consistently playing Mobile Legends: Bang Bang. Oh, what a waste of time, some people might say. Maybe, yes. Maybe, no. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Maybe, I am addicted to ML, probably. The goal is to raise my rank. What a noble and priceless objective!
When I was just in Master and Grandmaster rank, I so wanted to reach the Epic level. It took me a month, during vacation to be exact, to finally reach the Epic rank. So what? Did my life got any better because I achieved that rank? The answer is no, but there is a big YES. It brought happiness when the game is played moderately. It connects people of all ages. It is fun, fulfilling, and satisfying game. It develops relationship, even fellowship if played in moderation.
Playing ML can be quite frustrating, especially for a beginner. There is a lot to learn about heroes, skills, builds, skins, and more and more. It was overwhelming at first and confusing as well, but if you have a good group of friends who are willing to teach you and patiently explain the essential details, then everything is a lot easier and a lot better. But do expect some harsh words in the game, as much as there is good vibes, there is also some bad vibes. It's either they get on your nerves or you get on their nerves, either way play it nice. Never give a remark that is below the belt, that is not fair and never pleasant. Play it nice, always.
Up until now, I want to raise my rank. Next goal is Legend and it is difficult. I persist on playing the game, and maybe next vacation, I will be able to make it on Legend rank. That's the spirit!
So far, I am enjoying the game. It brings good vibes from time to time in a once boring atmosphere. It is fun. So much fun, but again can be frustrating sometimes due to lose streak or an encounter of negative player during the in-game. Just be mindful and careful. Play and slay!
What do I pray for?
I pray for him. I pray and pray. Why do You never listen? You heard them, all my prayers, but Your response is silence.
Only love can hurt like this. The song keeps playing in my head. Only love can hurt like this. There is a pain every time and sometimes I wish I no longer feel my heart breaking, it is tearing apart.
At night, when I am on my bed, waiting for sleep to visit, there are times I always end up crying. Tears flow like a river down my cheeks, asking You why I always end up like this whenever I like or I am praying for someone.
Your grace is enough. This song never fails. Your grace is enough for me. This song speaks the truth. But why am I still yearning for him? Why do I feel this wanting and desire for him?
What do I pray for?
I pray that my desire for him to end and completely vanish because it only hurt me at the end of the day. I am happy when he pays attention to me. I am delighted when he replies to my message. I am on cloud nine when he appreciates me. I want all of him, but I know that it is impossible. He is not mine, to begin with. I pray that he will choose me, and pursue me, despite my weaknesses and flaws and shortcomings and all. I want him to want me like I want him.
He never told me his intention. I form a conclusion based on his random or maybe intentional action. We're a mess, going circles, round and round. Left and right, I don't know where to go. Should I stop and forget about him? Never look back, start moving forward once again in this journey where I keep on coming back and forth. I am stuck. It's a cycle, a loop, a paradox.
What do I pray for?
I pray why do You let this happen to me, falling again and again, and now for him. I know there is a purpose for this experience, but what is it? I want to know. I need to know. Now. Do I sound demanding? Oh, Lord, You know how much I pray for someone like him. I am aware of the uncertainty and I fear it. But the assurance that You are always there surpasses all the doubts I have in my mind and heart. I know You're in control, sovereign, almighty, and all. You are the end and the beginning. You're my God, my Lord, and Saviour.
Still, right now, I pray for him, his safety, good health, happiness, and all the best for his being. I want him to be joyful and rejoice in Your presence.
I pray for him.
Does he pray for me too?
I wonder.
And tonight, I am not crying. He made my night.
TYL. Again and again, I surrender.
Have you been so out of place to the point of not knowing where to put yourself in the puzzle? Like you are lost and don't know where to go or what to do. As if you are looking for something or someone you don't even know as if you are so out of place on your own. Like there is that missing piece and you keep searching for it, but until now you haven't found it.
I have good news for you. You are exactly where you needed to be.
Well, our trip to Calatagan, Batangas seemed to help me solve that same puzzling thought in my head. Though I consider myself now a Christian, there are moments when I just couldn't be spirit-filled as I wanted to be. I think, do, or say things that are not really glorifying and pleasing to the Lord. In short, I feel not good enough sometimes, and there is lacking.
5 Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,
The fellowship was a trip with the community of Singles in our church. At first, I was hesitant to join the group since the other ladies of the small group I belonged to were not able to participate due to a conflict of schedule. Anyway, I just did. I did join. hehe
There were moments in the whole fellowship experience that brought me to some realizations as reminders of what God has been showing me always.
1. God is in control.
Do not worry, instead pray. Taal Volcano had its fit during our travel to Calatagan. The alert text from NDRMMC gave us a heads up of what’s happening to Taal. We were alarmed. But instead of worrying, I decided to pray. I was positive all chose to pray rather than worry. What’s more powerful than any natural phenomenon, it’s none other than prayer.
Thank God, Taal Volcano calmed down and all was well. It is just a simple reminder that He is always in control, that if we surrender everything to Him, He knows exactly where and when it needed to be. He is, always and forever.
2. Spirit-filled men are attractive. Periodt.
No matter what the color, height, fashion sense, or career; pursuing Christ is the way to look attractive. I thought men who prioritize their relationship with God were less of a man than those who follow the worldly standards of being attractive. I had this notion that spiritually inclined men were less attractive than those men I could find on the internet, especially on the dating site or apps. I was proven wrong, my worldly thoughts of attractive men had always been wrong. There is humor in that realization and it is fulfilling. So whether your status is single or married, be attractive and there is only one way to do it, and you already know what I mean. *wink*
3. Washing the dishes is fun.
This might sound shallow to some, but I never thought that a household chore could be that fun! Not until I enjoyed washing the dishes alone and with the others as well. To be honest, it was also an escape from the thought of being out of place in that fellowship. I mean at least I had a task to do, I was not useless. I imposed it upon myself. haha. Perhaps, God made me do it. I felt like a homemaker while washing the dishes. hehe. Oh my, oh my... I could see hope while washing the dishes and realizing, I could do it, I could be a homemaker. Chariz... Thy will be done, still...
We played a lot of games and they were all hilarious. I also learned how to play UNO cards which I thought was a difficult game to learn, and the best part was I got to play it with my fellow singles. Well, I have to be honest again, this blog post is two months late but better late than never.
11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
I believe in God, that truth that He sent Jesus His only son to save us from death and eternal damnation. But that knowledge alone didn't help me fully understand the gravity of this massive demonstration of love (John 3:16). I couldn't fully appreciate the role of Jesus in this war against the evil forces in the spiritual realm. This might sound superficial and crazy but this battle could not be any more real than it is. I was at bay and didn't want to be considered by others as a fanatic and too proud to approach a God I never got to know up close and personal. I was doing fine and sourcing my strength and power to continue living from the negative emotions and feelings I harbored as I grew up.
I thought the path I headed was "okay" since everyone seemed to be going in that direction. They just go with the flow of the rotten system. It doesn't matter if something is wrong, it doesn't matter if they talk about people behind their back, it doesn't matter if they say hurtful and insulting words as long they have the fun and pleasure of it, it doesn't matter if they step on others just to enhance their own image and a lot more things that I thought and was foolishly convinced that doesn't really matter.
My resistance didn't take long and eventually went with the flow. I thought it would be easier if I do what others do, but it only gave me a hard time. I kept on rejecting the system no matter how much I tried to embrace it. I had a hard time and was left conflicted, lost to who I am and how should I really deal with the world.
Lost, I was in need of direction, like a compass that would tell me where to go or what to do. All my plans for my career, dreams, family, my life as a whole were for naught. Everything was in vain as I recognized the dirt inside me that almost ate me up alive, swallow me whole and spit me in the deepest and darkest pit of hell. I was drowning. I was alive but barely breathing. I was in dire need of salvation from my sin and worst from myself. I was like a ticking bomb ready and wanting to explode in a split second. Self-destruction was just around the corner. Everything didn't make sense. I wanted to see the end of my worthless, shameful, and sinful life.
So here comes the question: why Jesus? Does he have anything to do with my life or with your life? Just who really is He? What's the big deal about Him? Maybe, these are just some of the questions you have in mind. Or if you already received the answers, praise God if that is the case. But if you are still searching and seeking the answers to these questions, then these are just some answers you might need right now. The book Why Jesus? tells us the need to have Jesus in our lives. The author Nicky Gumbel enumerates three reasons why Him, why Jesus:
- He satisfies our hunger for meaning and purpose in life
- He satisfies our hunger for life beyond death
- He satisfies our hunger for forgiveness
So again why Jesus for me, and for you too...
BECAUSE He gave me an opportunity to make a restart (2 Corinthians 5:17). He died on the cross and took all the guilt and shame (Romans 5:8). He defeated death so we can have eternity with and through Him (2 Timothy 1:10). And more wisdom and encounter to bless you and me as we journey and develop that personal and intimate relationship with Him... <3
And why not really? What better reasons do you have for you not to put your faith in Him? Nada.
All right. Violet Evergarden made me cry, again. This time in its movie version. She made me cry the first time from the series I watched on an online streaming platform. I bet she can also make you cry.
Violet is a soldier during the war. She was considered a weapon at such a young age, in her teens maybe. Eventually, she lost her arms at the height of the battle and Gilbert was with her who was equally injured as her. When the war ended, she became an Auto Memory Doll, a job that writes letters for their clients. Using a typewriter which she can carry anywhere she goes, her words brought life to the deepest longing and emotions of human beings a.k.a her clients.
Around her, peace seems to be existing at the very least, she seems emotionless after the war but it is the total opposite within her. There are raging emotions inside that are difficult for her to understand ever since the supposed death of Major Gilbert Bougainvillea.
Relief flooded all the heartaches I felt because of Violet's predicament when it was presented to my knowledge the fact that he was alive and kicking, though without an eye and an arm. The longing she had for him was intense. I felt it. I wanted to tell her, "I feel you," like I could totally empathize with her, with a character that wasn't even existent in the real world.
I literally sobbed as the confrontation between Violet and Gilbert happened before my eyes. I cried and cried while thinking what the heck Violet! Gilbert! I shouldn't be weeping like this! It is just an anime movie, no big deal, but as I mentioned I just couldn't help but open the gate of my tear glands and release the tears that were about to burst like a dam filled with water from the surge of rain.
The elements of the plot hit all the right spots to make me all teary-eyed. They can unlock the gates of your tear glands. So be ready and prepare your heart and mind, and also something to wipe out the tears on your face!
Expect to be teary-eyed and smiling genuinely as Violet warms your heart!
A season or another movie should be looked forward to. I hope there will be a more vivid telling of what happened between Violet Evergarden and Gilbert Bougainvillea after their heartwarming and long-awaited reunion. But if there isn't, I can say that the plot's resolution of the story is perfect already. I love how the movie ended.
Witness and experience the complexity of human emotions with Violet Evergarden!
In a world where humans and vampires co-exist, is peace and harmony a luxury no one can afford?
White Blood is an action-romance-fantasy manhwa by Imrina (임리나). It is a story about an orphan girl named Hayan Park and also a pure blooded vampire. Her dream is to live peacefully with her siblings and father, and as much as possible live like the humans do by hiding the fact that she has the potential to be a danger to the existence of human race.
Victims of humans-turned-vampires become rampant and authorities are taking actions to prevent any further damage to the fragile race of humans. Eun Tae Hwang is a police detective who works with the Vampire Task Force. Needless to say that he is working double time to catch and probably kill those creatures whose bloodlust can never be satisfied with only one victim.
Humans are in danger someone needs to act. Someone powerful and strongest to put those bloodcurdling creatures in their proper place. And it seems humans-turned-vampires are the worst kind of beings one would never want to encounter.
Hayan wants to live in peace but it seems like being a pure blooded vampire will never let her be, and meeting a vampire hunter, Eun Tae, is unlikely to be the best deal she gets to have out of her peaceful life. But one pure blooded vampire versus humans-turned-vampires appears to be more a feasible match for the human race.
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I read it here, you can too. Enjoy!
Music is a companion we all can run to in times of sorrow, victory, joy, and a lot more emotions we can attach to any of our favorite songs. In my song list, the month of July of this year began with songs sang by Moira Dela Torre and some of them were written by her as well. I first heard her from the famous OPM song "Titibo-tibo". I liked the song and still do. It even won the Himig Handog 2017.
She faded away from my radar when she released songs I couldn't even relate with, songs about love and broken hearts from a romantic relationship. I believed I was not the least interested in those types of genres. The message was just too heavy for me and I lack empathy with the songs since I have never been in a relationship, more like I can sympathize, but empathize, I have to be honest I had not yet reached that level during those days.
Fast forward to 2021, I met Moira Dela Torre for the second time and it was through the song "Paubaya" that was released in early 2020. My workmates had mentioned the song in one of our conversations and how it was so hurtful or mapanakit as they termed it. I brushed off their comment I was not still the least interested in Moira's songs.
Again July came and the "Paubaya" song crushed my heart. I even attempted to make a reaction video and all I did was cry and cry. I posted the video reaction but decided to remove it right away. haha. I couldn't bear my reaction and how I cried so much. I sobbed. I wept. I even wailed. What a rage of emotions I had that moment!
The music video of the song got me thinking what if I was one of the main characters, either Julia or Josh. Would I be able to handle and process properly the sorrow and grief that are about to take me given the situation? Would I be able to let go of someone I loved so much? Would I surrender so the one I love can be free and happy with some other person? Would I choose a sane decision of letting go of the love I have for him? Would I make it out alive after experiencing such loss?
I was dwelling on those unanswered questions for the first few days of streaming the song. The trilogy, Patawad paalam, Paalam & Patawad featuring I Belong to the Zoo and Ben&Ben also hit me right where it was needed. They were hurtful, like salt put on an open wound. It felt painful.
The realization that came upon me after the repetitive streaming of the song "Paubaya" is that a person does not surrender the one they love to the other person, instead it is an act of surrendering to the One who knows it all, who is in control of everything. That in one's loss, he or she can gain a lot through God. There is a lot of wisdom to be learned in Moira Dela Torre's songs.
Her songs seem hurtful because sometimes the truth can cause us pain, so much hurt that sometimes we thought it was something that we can no longer bear. Maybe that is God's way of calling our attention and telling us that now is the time to surrender, to let go and let Him carry the weight for you and me.
3 He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
4 He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
Look at that! I can't believe those healthy and greeny leaves sprouting out of that baby-sturdy stem. haha. I can't help but be amazed by the process and the life of planting a seed and growing it into an actual plant.
The Avocado seed was from my co-teacher, Ms. Geraldine. At first, I was hesitant to ask her for a seed ever since I saw her posts on Facebook about plants and the jumbo Avocado fruit got my interest as well as the grapes she has at home. She sure has a green thumb, but I think she has two green thumbs. haha.
I was afraid I wouldn't able to give justice to the life the Avocado seed has, but I was glad I took the courage to ask her even just for a single seed. I wanted the grapevine too, but I felt like it would be too much of me to get that from her for free. haha. Maybe one of these many days, I'll try if there's any post of her about grapes. hehe.
I also sent my regards to her and the progress of the Avocado seed she generously gave to me. Last July 28 was the monumental day, I bravely planted my feelings for him, este, I mean the Avocado seed with all the hope and faith I could gather within me as I surrender everything to the giver of life. I was not really confident, but I was more hopeful that God would make it possible for the seed to grow and prosper and be a fruitful tree.
I intended to bury my feelings for him since it started to flourish beyond my control and I welcomed that moment of turbulence in my emotions. I thought I could handle it as God as my backup, what bad plan I had. Now, I realized I should have surrendered all the feelings I had towards him to God.
Falling hard, yes, I was. Like a bullet train headed to one direction and destination where no one even him was waiting for me. He was never there and he never intended to be there. I guess it was just me anticipating the happy ending of the journey we started together. I created a story where I was the one and only sole author, he said we're on the same boat and I thought it was similar to writing on the same page. But we're completely on different rides. He was on the boat, safe from the ocean, while I was on the paper, a sheet of paper, slowly and certainly sinking deep in the unknown depths of the sea.
I had no one to blame except for myself. I saw it coming, but I ignored the warning. I don't have any regrets, I took the chance and I am still glad I did. It was an experience I explicitly got myself into. And I believe there is a purpose from this encounter with him. No time was wasted. God has already walked before me in this process. Like what I always hear from my brothers and sisters in Christ, we should never neglect to trust the process. I hold on to Romans 8:28 ever since I learned it, it is one of the many promises of God mentioned in the Bible.
It's been a while since I watched TV, probably since the domination of the world wide web and easy access to internet connection among the citizens of the Philippines. I remember during my childhood and adolescence days, TV is the number source of news, gossips, trends, and entertainment. At home, our TV always gave out and reached its capacity, since we always bought surplus goods which fitted within our budget. But nowadays that's no longer the case, we now have Netflix and other free streaming sites, and with just one search and click we can immediately find the show we want to watch. Everything seems so instant.
Just like in life, everything seems to be fleeting and in an instant, something or someone important is no more with us. Head Full of Honey is a movie that I watched on TV first time in a while from start to finish with all the commercials in between. There is no denying that the film captured my interest. I was hesitant to watch it because of all the TV advertisements coming our way and felt like it is a waste of time to see those commercials, but I was glad I took the chance of watching it with my mother.
It is a 2018 American remake of a 2014 German film of the same name. Head Full of Honey is about Amadeus, a widowed grandfather who has Alzheimer's disease. A heartwarming story intended for the whole family, this film served as a tear-jerker that left me and my mother filled with sadness and hope at the same time. Though adventure might not be an initial genre for this movie, I could not help but sense and embraced the hearts of the characters, they felt raw and genuine, even devoid of any counterfeit and forgery. The colorful life of the Nolte's family shows us perfectly the imperfection of life, and how fleeting it can be.
Teacher: Life is fleeting, like a passing mist.
It is like trying to catch hold of a breath;
All vanishes like a vapor; everything is a great vanity.
Ecclesiastes 1:2
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16
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